The Internet Is a Jerk

Yes, you. The internet. You are a jerk. Yeah, you heard me.

You're always yelling. You're always mad about something, some made-up "crisis" that you probably caused yourself, you jerk, and now you're all pissed off. You make shit up and believe it. You got Donald Trump elected president. You're lousy with porn and sick, stupid people doing sick, stupid stuff, with child porn, probably. You make children eat laundry detergent.  You come to my house, and you show up with crap I want to unsee but can't, then you leave without explanation. Jerk. I show you a video I spent three weeks making, artful and clever, and you ignore it. Then some guy puts sunglasses on his dog's butt and you give him your rapt attention. Billions of views, "what a clever fellow," or some shit.. And you want me to pay you for this. Fucking jerk.

When you do give me something decent to read, a bunch of crap like this shows up at the bottom of every page:

Then that video pops up in the corner with that bald guy looking at me and bellowing about something pretty important I guess, but I have the sound off so he just looks stupid. Like you, internet. You're stupid.

You're a stupid jerk.