Former Trump Hotel Now Haunted By World’s Dumbest Ghost

 

July 27, 2042

WASHINGTON, D.C.—It would seem that the Waldorf-Astoria Hotel here in Washington has a guest who just won’t check out.

For several years now, guests at the opulent luxury hotel have been reporting that the upper floors are haunted by a suit-wearing ghost with really bad hair.

“He’s so annoying,” said one recent guest. “He never shuts up, and all he ever talks about is himself.”

The hotel was once owned by the Trump Organization and was called the Trump Hotel until its sale to CGI Merchant Group and its partner Hilton Worldwide Holdings in 2022. It was named after Donald J. Trump, the former U.S. President who died from drinking bleach in 2029.

While the guests affected by the apparition have many theories as to who the ghost was before he died, there is one thing they all agree on.

“He’s got to be the dumbest ghost on the entire ethereal plane,” said one man who stayed at the hotel last year. “He keeps ranting about how he didn’t actually die and that it was all a hoax by Democrats, and that he will reappear like a miracle any day now.

“It’s all deep state this, blah blah fake news, something something great again.”

Other guests have noted what seems to be a remarkable lack of awareness on the part of the disembodied spirit, who has been haunting the structure for at least a few years.

“Sometimes he turns like he’s going to leave, and it’s like he forgets he can go through walls,” said one woman.  “He just walks right into the wall with a big thud.”

Another woman noticed an apparent obsession with objects in the room. “He’ll point at stuff around the room, saying, ‘person, woman, man, camera, TV,’” she said. “Then he’ll stand there grinning like he expects a goddamn prize.”

Other women have reported attempts to grope them with weird, stubby little fingers.

The strange specter does have his defenders, however.

“He’s the greatest ghost in history,” said one hotel employee, practically spitting out the words between missing teeth. “He tells the truth where other ghosts are too afraid.”

Most who have seen him, however, are not so enamored of the lecherous lich. “God, he is tiresome,” said one elderly man. “Fortunately, he usually leaves when we turn the TV off.”

It’s all a mystery, but one thing is certain: the cretinous creature won’t be going away any time soon.