Top 10 Excuses For Why The World Didn't End Friday

Yes, I'm jumping the gun a little here by posting this Wednesday night, but I figure either I will wake up Saturday morning like nothing happened, because nothing did, or no one will wake up, everything will burn and this blog will not miraculously survive the apocalypse to cause me further embarrassment. So no one will know except God, if it turns out there is such a being, and if so I'm probably screwed already what with that thumbing my nose at Him incident in 1994. Anyway, Camping & Co. will need some excuses ready if, as it turns out, the world lives on past Oct. 21. Here goes:


Why didn't the world end as predicted on October 21, 2011?
1.  Date miscalculated: Bible says "cubits," we were using furlongs.
2.  Bad math: accidentally divided by "Zeeb."
3.  Forgot to convert all time zones to Galactic Standard Upwhen.
4.  We forgot to wear bags over our heads.
5.  Iron chariots!  Okay, cars. (See Judges 1:19.)
6.  It's that damn pi thing again; that always screws up our calculations.
7.  You don't understand--I'm invisible.
8.  God announced that He has given us another chance to save ourselves, so we all need to change our evil ways.
9.  God announced something or other that means you have to do what I say.
10. I don't know, and those people outside my house last night with the trumpets were not funny.