If there's one thing we know about comedy and the Internet, it's that everyone in the world has a distinct preference for receiving their jokes in list form. Everybody loves lists! It couldn't possibly be laziness or lack of creativity, or any number of other indefensible reasons. And even if it is--hey! Another list to laugh at!
Cracked.com, which grew out of what was considered the poor, or possibly homeless, man's version of Mad magazine, is one of the more popular list-based comedy websites, garnering hundreds of thousands of hits every day.
Lately, though, I've come to suspect those good folks at Cracked.com are recycling the same six articles week after week after week. And since I'm feeling lazy and uncreative today, I'll just make a list of them. Yeah, fuck work. Here's a list!
#6--7 Martial Arts Techniques That Will Cause You To Kick Yourself In The Face
Blah blah blah dickjoke. Blah blah Teddy Roosevelt blah blah. Blah blah blah Tesla, Edison, blah. Blah blah blah, you dumbass. Blah!
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| Caption too fucking small to read. |
#5--8 Adorable Animals That Will Eat Your Face
Who's a pointless little list of cute animals? You are! Yes, you are!
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| Look at his nose! Look at his nose! |
#4--6 Horrifying Insects That Want To Live In Your Face
As everyone knows, the world wants you dead. Dead, dead, dead! What you don't know is that insects can kill you. Dead! So, be careful or something.
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| The call is coming from inside your face! Get out of there! |
#3--7 Comic Book Super Powers You Can Do With Your Face
You still read comic books? Jesus Harrypotter Christ. Grow up already! Unless, of course, you have a face. In which case you can do super stuff, just like your favorite comic book heroes! [citation needed]
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| Caution: mask may cause face to tan unevenly if worn in daylight. |
#2--8 Badass Badasses That Are Secretly Badass And Could Badassedly Break Your Face
You think you're tough? Really? Nah, you're not. The world is full of wusses that could really mess you up. I mean, really fuck up your shit. Like, you know, big time. Like, you know...
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| You talkin' to me? |
#1--7 Movies You Probably Saw That Are Sort Of Retarded...Your Face
Do you watch movies? Yeah, me too. And don't they suck? Yeah, they suck. Especially the ones with Kevin Bacon, which would be all of them. CGI? That just makes them suck digitally. 3D? Merely increases the number of dimensions in which they suck. Which would be all of them. Suck, suck, suck. Blah blah blah dickjoke.
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| Six degrees of suckitation. Also, dickjoke. |
What, no Justin Bieber?
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