The worldwide scientific community is reeling today from the revelation that all of its carefully amassed, experimentally verified conclusions regarding the laws of physics have been overturned by one brilliant internet commenter.
In one fell swoop, a commenter at the blog Pharyngula known as erodinbladewin shocked the world by proving the existence of precognition, telekinesis, and other paranormal abilities, demonstrating them conclusively to unnamed colleagues and reporting this to other commenters at the blog.
The actual evidence and documentation of the successful demonstrations will be forthcoming for review by the rest of the world as soon as the other commenters at Pharyngula start treating erodinbladewin with respect.
"This changes everything," said one well-known physicist, who wished to remain anonymous due to scientists' inability to admit when they're wrong. "I can't believe I've been so stupid and close-minded. This erodinbladewin has completely torn down the scientific paradigm. And to think, I laughed at him at the university. We all did. But who's laughing now?"
It is not yet known where erodinbladewin hails from, or what his real name might be; also unknown is who he demonstrated his gifts to. What is known is that he caused one of these witnesses to nearly crap his pants and throw up.
"Well, that is the Gold Standard of scientific evidence, after all," said the physicist. "Any time some guy submits comments to a blog claiming someone somewhere has witnessed his use of paranormal abilities, you have to accept it. To do anything less would be retarded."
Among the remarkable powers erodinbladewin has demonstrated to his friends is the ability to cause a roll of paper towels to flap without using his hands.
Also needing a new theoretical model is the study of electromagnetic fields and the behavior of light, as it turns out the sky appears blue due to reflections off the surface of bodies of water and not due to the scattering effect of the atmosphere, as previously thought. History books will need to be re-written as well, with the surprising revelation that everyone in the world thought the earth was shaped like a cube until Ponce de Leon circumnavigated it.
And, in possibly the most shocking discovery of all, it turns out that squirrels are more intelligent than human beings.
"Definitely a game-changer," said Stephen Hawking, perhaps the most respected physicist and cosmologist alive until the emergence of erodinbladewin. "We'll need to re-think everything we thought we knew. Fortunately, the Cambridge University campus where I work is lousy with squirrels. It's just a matter of all of us putting our little heads together."