Woods Double-Bogeys Marriage, Misses Cut

Tiger Woods, continuing a disappointing trend that has seen him not win a major since the 2008 U.S. Open, double-bogeyed the last hole of his marriage and failed to make the cut with Elin, his wife of three years.

It was announced recently that the couple had officially divorced and that a $750 million settlement had been reached, the result of a series of misplays on the back nine by the golfer.

Trouble began on the 15th hole when the man many have proclaimed to be the best golfer in history blew an easy three-foot putt for par by failing to remain faithful to a wealthy, blonde supermodel wife. On the next hole, Woods sliced badly into the trees by using his regular cellphone to arrange dalliances with mistresses, and compounded that by "grounding his club" in a bunker with another mistress two shots later.

But that was nothing compared to his error on 18, where he neglected to use his driver and, attempting to escape from the rough, hit the mailbox at the end of the fairway.

"I have no one to blame but myself," said a dejected Woods after the debacle. "Unless of course you count my caddy, who should have known the course better."

Although Woods' longtime caddy Steve Williams could not be reached for comment, it is assumed his reply would point out Tiger's repeated unwillingness to leave his 5-wood in the bag.

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