The major television networks that carry live sporting events have all agreed to air advertising relating to "male enhancement" products, it was announced today. Few details were offered, but, strangely, none were asked for.
These commercials will air during all live sporting events, alongside ads pitching remedies for jock itch, erectile dysfunction, herpes, and enlarged prostate, all problems affecting male genitalia.
"It’s simple demographics," said a network spokesman. "Our average viewer for televised sports is male, over 40, and wondering why his Johnson is no longer Magic, so to speak. He needs to know about these products, and about things like erectile dysfunction, because as we know, if he keeps thinking about it all the time, it’s bound to happen."
"Men often remain in denial about these things, as we know too well," the spokesman went on. "They insist it will never happen to them, but the women we have interviewed assure us that it happens to everybody. Then, they ask us to plug in the vibrator on our way out of the room."